One of the reasons I enjoy being a writer is it affords the opportunity to step into a variety of roles and speak from different perspectives. For instance, one day I sit behind my computer, instructing as a coach, “C’mon team, if you want to win at marriage, the best defense is a good offense. You need to be intentional about making the shot, working as a team and taking it one play at a time.” The next, I’m cheering and clapping in my pleated miniskirt, “Lean to the left, lean to the right, stand up, sit down, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!” And then there is the perspective of a fellow player who believes there is no “I” in team. We are in the game of marriage together with unique skills and strengths, however, when we share our struggles, we can come alongside one another, therefore becoming stronger and better equipped to win the game!
Today, I share as a struggling teammate who is working hard to be the best player I can be but feel like I’m constantly tripping over my shoelace that keeps coming untied! There are days I double knot that sucker but when I forget, I inevitably stumble, and it really takes me out of my game! Although, my daily struggle isn’t really with a shoelace it’s just my way to describe the real issue which is my phone.
I have such a love/hate relationship with the little device that is fits so perfectly in the palm of my hand. Sometimes I wonder if I could ever live without it because it enhances my life in so many ways. I can connect with my son who is halfway across the world and whip up a tasty chicken dinner from the plethora of online recipes. I can have anything I want delivered right to my door with a click of a button and discover ways to alleviate knee pain simply by googling, “stretching exercises.” Those are some of the reasons that make up the “love” part of our relationship.
The flip side and why I have come to hate it (I know, hate is a strong word, but I think it’s appropriate here) is because it takes me out of my game. When I have my face in front of that little screen, I’m completely oblivious to what’s going on around me and totally disengaged from everyone in the room – namely my husband. What’s worse is that as he begins talking and interrupts my scrolling (gasp)…I get irritated and he grows frustrated! I’ve become so engaged with my phone that I forget I’m married to a person who means more to me than anything but, at times, the power that stupid phone has over me appears stronger than the love inside of me.
Perhaps you can relate. If so, may I suggest we implement a game plan that will help us win with our spouse? Here are a few suggestions I came across (by googling “cell phone boundaries” on my cell phone!)
X - Talk to your spouse about what’s appropriate for your relationship. Is it healthy to have phones at the dinner table, in bed, while riding in the car?
O - Set a specific time to check emails and scroll through social media and determine a time limit.
X - Be intentional about setting your phone down when your spouse begins talking and give them your full attention.
0 – Find ways you can use your cell phone to interact with, rather than distract you from, your spouse.
These X’s and O’s make up a solid game plan and putting them into practice will help us win in marriage and show our spouse we are their number one fan.
“…everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” ~Matthew 7:24